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Jun. 20th, 2009 @ 09:47 pm A Rigid Believer
The village preacher at the home of an elderly parishioner was busy answering grandma’s questions over a cup of coffee.
“Why does the Lord send us epidemics every so often?” asked the old lady.
“Well,” said the preacher, “sometimes people become so wicked they have to be removed and so the good Lord allows the coming of epidemics.
“But then,” objected grandma, “why do so many good people get removed with the bad?”
“The good ones are summoned for witnesses,” explained the preacher. “The Lord wants to give every soul a fair trial.”

—------------------------------------------------
Maybe recently I read too many entries that keep mentioning about God, that He is awesome, that we need to thank for Him. When things go exactly like what they ask for, they say, “How fast God answer my prayer!”. When they already wait for a long time, they will say, “God is trying me first. I have to be patient and have some faith on Him.”

There is nothing that the Rigid Believer cannot find an explanation for. I am thankful for not being one of them.

----- copyright: my sis --------------
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Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 09:01 pm (no subject)
Here's a very inspiring speech given at the graduation of class 2008 of Singapore's Nanyang Technological University, Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information. Must read!

Life and How to Survive It,
by Adrian Tan (author of The Teenage Textbook)
Today at 11:18am

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable. Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning. You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy. I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average. Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate. Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows. What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free. The most important is this: do not work. Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust. There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful. People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense. Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway. Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself. I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher. Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence. In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror. I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth.

I now say this to you: be hated. It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross. One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone. Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable. Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul. Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm. You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone. You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.
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Jun. 10th, 2008 @ 08:59 am The Apartment
Other buildings envied her Shisheido #119 ceiling. The Jesus she hung at the door (of her heart) gave her strength. Jade bangles around her ankles trapped the essene of her youth. You could hear them holding on for dear life whenever she got up and ran, ran with the other Apartments and Factories into the night. No one knew where she went, returning only when her ankles ached to keep up the night's display of high spirits. Come morning, some proud Apartment would be seen wearing a night's old #119.

One morning, after a night out with the concrete army, the Apartment got home tired and weary, ankles swollen. She took off her bangles, and in the hours that passed while she slept, they were stolen from her. The wind only whispers of words no one cards to claim. That it was another high-rise, was merely wind-work: she had been seen dancing, like a Portuguese Gypsy, her check pressed against the night...

The Apartment still stands with her chin in the clouds and Jesus close to her heart. The years have washed away her make-up and advanced the arthritis to her wanderlust. Cracks, and an address keeps her where she will always be. Once, a lover came to her. He could have made her young again, but light would get lost along her corridors, and she had too many empty rooms.

Now, she watches her children grow. First playrooms, then study-rooms. The hearts in each room gets smaller as the walls get bigger. The doors never open. One day, they will leave this nest, and she would not even know. She tries to glow in the kitchen, in the company of toasters, ovens, and stoves. In the bathroom, she hides her daytime mask under damp towels. It is here that her skin is forever slippery and cold. Here, something is always dripping.

Every afternoon, her windows reflect a great migration of clouds. In her belly, a projector loops. Vignettes of her children tugging at the hem of her best summer dress, dragging her across gravel, and running through her hair with muddy boots breathe life into the dancer in the dusty basement. She interprets the cinematic moments, moving without music. The Apartment waits for the day when clouds drift by the other way. The Cranes will return... and the scaffolds fall away... Until then, the table will only be for two: Jesus, and herself. Even then, he rarely ever comes by.

--- Perry Ho's The Apartment ---
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Apr. 22nd, 2008 @ 10:57 pm (no subject)
Inspired by theartoffee's post, here are more hugging pictures that I like:



This is when everybody goes "Awww...."



I gave this to K when I visited him in South Africa! =D

Do post your fave hugging pictures too! =)
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Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 05:51 pm (no subject)
...and now for somewhere completely different

BYLINE: By DAVID PILLING

SECTION: FT MAGAZINE; Pg. 14

LENGTH: 3761 words


In Japan, the trees are blue. So are the traffic lights, even though they look decidedly green to uninitiated outsiders. The Japanese do have a word for green, but when it comes to foliage and traffic signals, blue is the preferred term.

Blue trees are not the only initially puzzling thing about Japan. In a hundred tiny gestures and assumptions, Japan can seem just slightly out of kilter. When Japanese people refer to themselves, they point to their nose, not their heart. Many restaurants have no chairs. The Japanese count in units of ten thousand, making the population of Japan one-thousand-two-hundred-and-fifty ten thousands, not 125 million as you might have thought. The calendar is different, too. Circular not linear, time tracks each imperial reign - I am sending this dispatch, not from the year 2008, but from Heisei 20.

These are superficial differences to be sure, tiny variations of the sort found in many places a western-centric observer might consider ''odd''. But even experienced Japanologists can find Japan a topsy-turvy place. Lafcadio Hearn, an Irish-Greek who pitched up in Japan in 1890, only a decade after the country opened to the west, wrote: ''The outward strangeness of things in Japan produces a queer thrill impossible to describe - a feeling of weirdness which comes to us only with the perception of the totally unfamiliar.''

Hearn was no ingenue or racist. A naturalised Japanese citizen, he was known as Yakumo Koizumi (or, rather, Koizumi Yakumo, since the family name is stated first in Japanese). He married the daughter of a samurai, spoke Japanese and spent the last 15 years of his life in Japan. Yet foreshadowing a sentiment often expressed by today's long-time residents, puzzled at their inability to grasp what they imagine to be the essence of Japan, he says: ''Long ago the best and dearest Japanese friend I ever had said to me, a little before his death, 'when you find, in four or five years more, that you cannot understand the Japanese at all, then you will begin to know something about them.''' Tellingly, his book was entitled Japan: An Attempt at Interpretation. A year after his attempt, he was dead.

I got to thinking about the question of Japan's uniqueness after reading Japan Through the Looking Glass. Its author, Cambridge anthropologist Alan Macfarlane, contends that Japan is not just ''trivially different from the west and other civilisations, but different at such a deep level that the very tools of understanding we normally use prove inadequate''. When I called him at his home in England, he professed to be just as confused after 15 years of thinking about Japan as Hearn was. ''In Japan, I start off with a feeling of similarity and then, growingly, things become more strange,'' he said. ''Japan is unique in that it combines two different sides: the surface of a modern, rational economy with politics and law and so on, but behind that a set of social norms and religious beliefs that are totally at variance with that. Almost every aspect of life, from sumo wrestling and tea ceremony, even business, has a feeling of something other than itself, beyond itself.''

I had been confronted with the idea that Japan was different - differently different - even before I set foot there as the FT's correspondent five years ago. Back then I had read, as everybody does, The Chrysanthemum and the Sword, the classic western anthropological study of the country by Ruth Benedict. The first sentence of the book is an affirmation of strangeness: ''The Japanese were the most alien enemy the United States had ever fought.''

Based on interviews with Japanese immigrants, Benedict describes a society operating on entirely different lines. She famously characterises it as a culture of shame rather than of (Christian-style) guilt, one with a samurai-derived honour code of mysterious (and not straightforwardly translatable) principles of giri, on, haji and gimu. We learn of the honour of the vendetta and seppuku (belly-slitting suicide), and the shame of surrender. Reading the book, by no means discredited today, it is easy to jump to the conclusion that Japan is another world.

To lay my cards on the table, I have always been suspicious of this view. I start from the principle that people are people and that any attempt to render them otherwise probably has an ulterior motive, such as laying the groundwork to fight them. To start with the conclusion first, my basic view still holds that Japan is no more different than Guatemala or Madagascar or Britain. But my conviction has been sorely tested.

When I arrived in Tokyo in 2002, there were a few things to get used to besides blue trees. Early on, for example, when I was taking a distinguished TV presenter of advancing years out to lunch, I horrified restaurant staff by plonking myself down in the seat furthest from the door. This seat, known as oku, is for honoured guests. My appropriation of it was roughly the equivalent of pouring a pint of beer over the well-known personage's head. (The host is supposed to sit with his back to the door, the position that in ancient times was most vulnerable to ninja attack.)

There were other things. Building workers did group calisthenics to piped music outside my house at 6am - something you don't see often in west London. I grappled too with a language that, in every way, seemed back to front and set with social landmines. I wondered at people's obsessive punctuality, politeness, cleanliness and the absolute seriousness with which they conducted every activity. I struggled to make anything but polite acquaintances, or even to make eye contact in the street.

More than these minor adjustments of culture, I was told almost daily by Japanese acquaintances that it was ''difficult for westerners to understand Japan''. Though sometimes purely an interviewee's attempt at obfuscation, there did seem to be a genuinely held belief that - in matters of economic and family relations, and in the spheres of aesthetics, morality and seating arrangements - Japan was radically different. No one bangs the drum of Japanese uniqueness more than the Japanese themselves.

So-called Nihonjinron, or meditations on Japaneseness, has a long tradition that reached fever pitch in the 1980s when some Japanese became convinced that their innate superiority was playing out on the stage of global capitalism. At its worst, Nihonjinron builds on the phoney concept of a racially homogenous society - look at the faces on any Tokyo subway to dispel this myth - to create a thesis of a race apart. This would have it that the Japanese are co-operative rice farmers not garrulous hunter-gatherers; have unique sensitivities to nature; communicate without language; use instinct and ''heart'' rather than cold logic, and have a rarefied artistic awareness. Many people who know Japan would recognise some half-truths in these observations, but Nihonjinron elevates them into a world view.

Yet, just because the discussion can be taken to ridiculous, even objectionable, extremes, doesn't mean we should shun it altogether. Macfarlane's book made me think I should tackle the subject afresh.

In some ways, of course, it is only natural that Japan should appear an outlier. It is in a different category partly because it was the first non-western society to join the rich man's club, a position it secured when it amazed the world by trouncing Russia in war in 1905. Today's fellow Group of Seven members, the US, Canada, the UK, France, Germany and Italy, are distinct cultures all. But they have common antecedents in Greek and Roman civilisation and monotheistic Christianity. Japan's strongest influences are China and Buddhist-Confucianism, which overlay its own animistic Shinto, a folk religion with no revelatory text. In the G7, Japan does stick out. If, say, Mongolia suddenly became the world's second-biggest economy, there would be floods of books on Mongolian uniqueness: ''The visiting executive should always approach the yurt from a south-westerly direction.''

Nor is Japan by any means the only country whose inhabitants portray themselves as unique. The French and Americans wallow in their own supposed exceptionalism. The Russians believe only they can comprehend the Russian soul; the Chinese traditionally saw themselves as inhabitants of a supreme empire surrounded by semi-Sinified tributary nations and barbarians; the British harbour a feeling that their island status sets them apart.

As Japanese taxi drivers never tire of pointing out, Japan - like Britain - is an island. But at 120 miles from land, it is six times more ''remote'' than the UK, which lies just 21 miles from France. Thus, cultural influences from China and Korea tended to gestate and shift. Chinese pictograms were, for example, dismantled to form two entirely new alphabets, hiragana and katakana, while a new set of Japanese readings was imposed on the original Chinese characters.

This transformational tendency was exacerbated by long periods of self-imposed isolation, including 200 years of sakoku, literally ''locked country''. Only after the Meiji Restoration of 1868 was Japan flung open. Even then, save for the six-year American occupation from 1945, it was never colonised.

On the phone, Macfarlane had said that just as the isolated Galapagos Islands evolved rare fauna and flora, Japan's geographic and historical isolation created a distinct culture. His overriding thesis was that, whereas other modern societies underwent a profound separation of the spiritual from the everyday world, no such split had taken place in Japan. Sumo, with its complex purification rituals, was both sport and religion. A garden was both nature and art. A temple was a place of worship in a country without faith. Japan even managed, he said, to be a one-party democracy.

In his book, Macfarlane detects the same ''lack of partition'' in business. The Japanese, he says, do not place economics outside the moral sphere as happens in the west, where there is a tendency to believe that an economy runs according to its own inalienable laws. Under the famous keiretsu system, now under severe strain, companies hold cross-shareholdings with each other, offering protection from pernicious market forces. In bigger companies - if not the smaller ones that employ the bulk of workers - lifers treat their company more like a family, joining at graduation and staying until retirement. There are company songs, company dormitories, company holidays and, of course, lots of company overtime and company drinking sessions. Masahiko Fujiwara, a well-known Japanese writer and advocate of Japanese exceptionalism, had told me: ''I find the idea that a company belongs to its shareholders a terrifying piece of logic. A company belongs to its employees.''

Japan is often said to be uniquely - there's that word again - group-oriented. The Shell-less Egg, written in 1977, described Europeans and Americans as being like eggs with their own protective shell. The Japanese, by contrast, were shell-less, warm and sticky and unable to conceive of themselves other than in relation to family, village, workplace, superiors and inferiors, insiders and outsiders.

Yasuhiro Maehara, a former senior executive of the Bank of Japan who has spent long stints abroad, told me he didn't want to believe that Japan was different from anywhere else. Yet, whenever he returned to his homeland, he found an overwhelming sense of social obligation that he did not detect elsewhere. ''I am constantly made aware of what I am expected to say or how I am expected to act in various contexts and environments. There is my honne, what I really feel, and my tatemae, the part I am supposed to show to the rest of the world.''

Macfarlane says that, if Japanese people derive meaning only in relation to each other, the same is true of Japanese art. The haiku, a poem of just 17 syllables, for example, makes scant sense as standalone verse. One of the most celebrated haiku by the poet Basho, Japan's Wordsworth and Shakespeare rolled into one, is: ''furu ike ya/ kawazu tobikomu/ mizu no oto.'' Hearn rendered it: ''old pond/ frogs jumped in/ sound of water.'' In English, it is doggerel. The beauty in Japanese comes from its allusions; to the season, the setting, and the sound of water conveyed by the onomatopoeic ''oto''.

Macfarlane's explanation for what he describes as Japan's partition-less landscape is that, unlike other modern societies, it has never gone through what German philosopher Karl Jaspers termed an ''axial age'', ''a separation creating a dynamic tension between this world of matter and another world of spirit''. Japanese Shinto, he says, ''rejected the philosophical idea of another separate world* against which we judge our actions and direct our attempts at salvation''. When I asked Japanese friends how, if at all, they conceived of god, one, a telephone clerk, said she thought of her dead grandmother. Another, Akira Chiba, a successful diplomat, said: ''In Japan, gods are floating all around. Essentially, we live together with the gods.''

I was still resisting the idea that Japan should be differently different, but I needed some moral support. I spoke to Ian Buruma, an expert on both Japan and China. One flaw in claims of Japanese uniqueness, he says, is that they fall into the trap, sprung by the Japanese themselves, of comparing Japan with western countries. ''What you should compare it to is countries like China and Korea, and then it suddenly starts to look a lot less strange,'' he says. ''Instead, Japan starts to look like a variation.''

Buruma says Japan has deliberately sought to distance itself from China since the Mito school of the 17th century, which advocated Japanese isolation and sponsored a version of history focusing on the imperial line. Then, from the mid-19th century, when Japan became all too aware of western power, it sought to define itself against the great powers of the west.

Even the mighty China was succumbing to western hegemony in the opium wars. ''As knowledge of the world grew, the Japanese began to realise that China was not the centre of the world, and to recognise the weaknesses of China,'' he says. ''So they thought: 'We better start repositioning ourselves.''' Thus, Buruma argues, much of Japan's exceptionalism is a fairly recent construct. ''The problem with foreigners analysing this who have not really lived in Japan is that they take at face value what the Japanese say about themselves.''

Buruma once wrote a book, A Japanese Mirror, which appears to fit into the ''bizarre Japan'' school. It is a compendium of Japan's sex-and-violence-drenched comics and films, so seemingly at odds with an otherwise prim and peaceful society.

For Macfarlane the ''contradiction'' between coyness and guiltless sex is another example of how Japan can be two things at once. In a lecture last year at London's Asia House, he singled out attitudes to sex as one of five ''proofs'' that Japan was exceptional. Although prostitution was nominally banned in 1956, the ''water trade'' lives on in every Japanese town and city. ''Pornography, extensive since the eighth century, is thought of as an art like any other,'' says Macfarlane, ''like cooking, calligraphy or sword fighting.''

But Buruma, whose book paddles in some of the stranger waters of Japanese behaviour, disputes that this is evidence of uniqueness. ''The idea of a religious notion of sex as sinful doesn't exist in China or Korea either,'' he says. ''The difference between east Asia and the Christian or Islamic world is that there is no concept of original sin. What you have, instead, is a sense of social propriety which means that pornography is not something people condemn for religious, but rather for social reasons.'' Pornography has often been an outlet for Japanese intellectuals frustrated at their lack of impact on the political process, he says. ''But I don't think there is a deep cultural reason for that.''

In search of another sceptic, I arranged to meet Earl H. Kinmonth, an American academic who divides his time between Japan and the UK. Over a raw-fish supper, he professed to find the eccentricities of Britain's class system every bit as puzzling as Japan's supposed oddities. If the British were a different colour and spoke a difficult-to-learn language, he is convinced every American would find them utterly bizarre.

Kinmonth says too much stress is placed on external differences, as if one were comparing the experience of riding in a Rolls-Royce versus a Ford Fiesta. ''No matter how different it feels to be in a Roller, you are moving under the same principle. The physics are not different. People tend to get too hung up on the fittings and the trim without looking at the underlying dynamics.''

For instance, he says, Koreans and Japanese are outwardly very different. ''Koreans tend to be much more emotional and expressive than the Japanese. They are the Latins of the Orient. It's a cliche, but it's largely true. If you go to a Korean and a Japanese funeral, the Japanese are all stiff upper lip, and the Koreans are wailing and gnashing their teeth. But that's only like the difference between an English funeral and an Irish wake. What do you do with that? Other than to say, they are different fixtures.''

There is one habit of the Japanese, Kinmonth suggests, that might help explain the obsession with their supposed uniqueness. ''The Japanese have a tendency to codify experience. They are more self-conscious,'' he says. ''It is easy to confuse this codification with the actual level of difference.''

That strikes me as a crucial observation. Some Japanese, for example, use the concept of honne, what one really thinks, and tatemae, the view one presents to the world, as evidence of a unique way of thinking. But every society, whether they codify it or not, differentiates between openly stated observations and secretly held opinions.

Likewise, the Japanese obsessively classify the four seasons, wearing different clothes, eating different fish and viewing different flowers according to a strict timetable. A sunny day in early summer, late summer, early autumn and late autumn all have different names, proof - say some - that the Japanese are as sensitive to seasons as the Inuit are to snow. The calibration of seasonal change is, indeed, a delightful part of living in Japan. But it is often misconstrued. I would like Y10,000 (Pounds 50) for each time I have been asked whether it is really true that, abroad, we have no seasons.

As I was nearing completion of this article, I sent a draft to a Japanese friend, Sahoko Kaji, a highly westernised scholar of European economics at the famous Keio University. Her reply, of which the following is an extract, revealed just what a tricky subject I had taken on. After polite praise of my efforts, she wrote: ''Nobody can 'understand' Japan in the western sense of the word, because in Japan there is no absolute. I sometimes feel sorry watching westerners trying to define Japan or the Japanese in one way or another. There are even well-intended Japanese that use western terminology to 'explain' Japan in their usual effort to be nice to guests and foreigners.

''But it is futile. In Japan, one thing blends into another seamlessly. And importantly, nobody (no Japanese, anyway) worries about where the line is drawn. I would agree with the shell-less egg analogy. I cannot successfully engage in a conversation with a westerner without defining things and showing borders. And yet, I am certainly Japanese, in the sense that I stand back and 'marvel' at westerners who keep trying to define this undefinable thing called Japan. Why bother? You cannot do it. I will not attempt it.''

One of the best descriptions I have read of someone trying to ''understand'' Japan compared the process to peeling an onion. The cultural explorer pulls back layer after layer looking for Japan's inner meaning, without realising that the meaning is to be found in the discarded layers. At the centre of the onion is nothing.

Iended my search for Japanese exceptionalism at Ise Shrine, Shinto's most sacred site. About four hours by train from Tokyo, it is dedicated to Amaterasu Omikami, the sun goddess from whom Japan's imperial dynasty is said to have sprung. The site was supposedly founded in 4BC after the daughter of Emperor Suinin had wandered 20 years in search of a suitably beautiful location.

The shrine is not what one might expect - there are actually 125 shrines, each dedicated to different deities. Approaching the complex over a wooden bridge, which arcs over the sacred Isuzu river, one finds no obvious signs of structures, but rather hills of cedar, cyprus and pine. All the woodland is sacred. This is less St Paul's Cathedral or Blue Mosque, more Hyde Park with gods.

One of the smaller shrines, dedicated to the river's flowing water, looks like a stylish potting shed, yet feels hushed and sacred. A young couple - he in drainpipe black trousers, she in miniskirt and cut-off leather boots - pray quietly to the rocks inside. With no sense of irony, they bow twice, clap twice - to attract the attention of the gods - make a wish, and bow again.

I ask Noriko Nakamura, my guide, who the young couple imagine they are praying to. ''More than a god, it is life,'' she answers. ''It doesn't matter if there's a statue or not. Shinto is a way of living, not a religion. I think this is unique to Japan.''

Like all the wooden structures, Naiku is rebuilt every 20 years to exact specifications, a 1,300-year-old ritual that ensures it is always new and always old, simultaneously. Ceremonies are held to ask the trees' permission to cut them down for construction.

The nearest a commoner can get to the inner temple is a carefully laid-out stone garden, with a wooden torii gate, a thatch-roofed building and some cedars. But if one were to enter, one would find - or so it is said - one of the most holy objects in Japan. Inside is housed the Sacred Mirror which, along with the Sacred Sword and the Sacred Jewel, are presented, in secret, to each new emperor. The sun goddess sent the three treasures to earth in an act that forever cemented Japan's divine status.

The symbolism at Ise is perfect for a country that is wont to see itself as a nation apart, one that makes sense only in reference to itself. For if the Japanese were ever allowed to enter their most holy sanctuary - and they are not - what they would see, reflected back, is an image of themselves.

David Pilling is the FT's Tokyo bureau chief.
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Jan. 17th, 2008 @ 02:03 pm (no subject)
“I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.”
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Nov. 2nd, 2007 @ 10:24 am (no subject)
I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're both breathless - they crash - they hit the rooftop - you pat and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly.

Finally they are airborne; they need more string and you keep letting it out. But with each twist of the ball of twine, there is a sadness that goes with joy. The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won't be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you together and will soar as it is meant to soar, free and alone.

Only then you know that you did your job.

--- Erma Bombeck, as quoted in Amy Borovoy's The Too-Good Wife ---

I am working on a review for this remarkable book.
It's been very enjoyable so far!
Now, why can't all non-fiction be presented in such interesting manner??!!
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Oct. 4th, 2007 @ 09:10 pm (no subject)
Gotta share this cool site!

Faces in Places
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May. 18th, 2007 @ 09:20 pm (no subject)
In the spring of her twenty-second year, Sumire fell in love for the first time in her life. An intense love, a veritable tornado sweeping across the plains - flattening everything in its path, tossing things up in the air, ripping them to shreds, crushing them to bits. The tornado's intensity doesn't abate for a second as it blasts across the ocean, laying waste to Angkor Wat, incinerating an Indian jungle, tigers and all, transforming itself into a Persian desert sandstorm, burying an exotic fortress city under a sea of sand. In short, a love of truly monumental proportions. The person she fell in love with happpened to be seventeen years older than Sumire. And was married. And, I should add, was a woman. This is where it all began, and where it all wound up. Almost.

From the opening paragraph of Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami
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Mar. 29th, 2007 @ 10:54 pm White Oleander, Janet Fitch
Dear Astrid,

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? You may not 1) be baptized, 2) call yourself a Christian, and 3) write to me on that ridiculous stationery. You will not sign your letters "born agin in Christ"! God is dead, haven't you heard, he died a hundred years ago, gave out from sheer lack of interest, decided to play golf instead. I raised you to have some self-respect, and now you're telling me you've given it all away to a 3-D postcard Jesus? I would laugh if it weren't so depressingly sad.

Don't you dare ask me to accept Jesus as my savior, wash my soul in the Blood of the Lamb. Don't even think of trying to redeem me. I regret NOTHING. No woman with any self respect would have done less.

The question of good and the natue of evil will always be one of philosophy's most intriguing problems, up there with the problem of existence itself. I'm not quarreling with your choice of issues, only with your intellectually diminished approach. If evil means to be self-motivated, to be the center of one's own universe, to live on one's own terms, then every artist, every thinker, every original mind is evil. Because we dare to look through our own eyes rather than mouth cliches lent to us from the so-called Fathers. To dare to see is to steal fire from the Gods. This is mankind's destiny, the engine which fuels us as a race.

Three cheers for Eve.
Mother

I prayed for her redemption. She took a life because someone humiliated her, hurt her image of herself as the Valkyrie, the stainless warrior. Exposed her weakness, which was only love. So she avenged herself. So easy to justify, I wrote to her. It's because you felt like a victim you did it. If you were really strong, you could have tolerated the humiliation. Only Jesus can make us strong enough to fight the temptations of sin.

She wrote back, a quotation from Milton, Satan's part in Paradise Lost:

What though the field be lost?
All is not lost; the unconquerable will,
And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield.
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Jan. 16th, 2007 @ 11:21 am (no subject)
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person is me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table. I want you to picture this scene. It's very important you get this very clear in your mind. Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies. You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know . . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, couldn't do anything and thought, What am I going to do?

In the end I thought, Nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took a cookie for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadn't, because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice..." I mean, it doesn't really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back.

A moment or two later, the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.

The thing I like particularly about this story is that somewhere in England, there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story, only he doesn't have the punch line.

--- Douglas Adams' The Salmon of Doubt ---
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Nov. 17th, 2006 @ 05:42 pm (no subject)
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
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Feb. 20th, 2006 @ 09:30 pm (no subject)
Poets should just
bring poetry
blank books and pens
passports and visas
and something rooted
something rooted
for the lives we will
eventually want
not the imitations of
our mentors stumblings
the ancient lovers never loved
upheaval following us like stubborn
ghosts
poets should bring something root


II.

Wherever I go
I drag my mistakes
and my memory of the mistakes
of others. Wherever I go
I have to tell my stories
of crashings and rantings
and passion and laughing
of praying of living
and forgetting how to breathe


wherever I go
I start again:
a woman hates me
a man loves me
I meet people
I write
then I wonder, what is that far off sound
that call from another side of the ocean
what’s the name of that place
what language do they speak
how much does it cost to get there
and then I’m gone
leaving behind everything I wished for
making another list


III.

Stay with me.
Wherever I go
I want you
with me, among
the pens and blank
pages, yes, but
in the bed and bathroom
in the restaurants
with food we can’t pronounce
your hand smoothing the tired map,
mine tracing our route


stay/go/come
with me
as much as writing
as much as wandering
I know I need to start my days
folded in your scent

Suddenly, I Need One Thing Constant - Mariahadessa Ekere Tallie
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Jan. 29th, 2006 @ 12:12 am (no subject)
The fact that I don't feel guilty at all,
somehow makes me feel very guilty indeed.
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Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:08 pm (no subject)
CURIOUSITY
may have killed the cat; more likely
the cat was just unlucky, or else curious
to see what death was like, having no cause
to go on licking paws, or fathering
litter on litter of kittens, predictably.

Nevertheless, to be curious
is dangerous enough. To distrust
what is always said, what seems
to ask odd questions, interfere in dreams,
leave home, smell rats, have hunches
do not endear cats to those doggy circles
where well-smelt baskets, suitable wives, good lunches
are the order of things, and where prevails
much wagging of incurious heads and tails.

Face it. Curiosity
will not cause us to die--
only lack of it will.
Never to want to see
the other side of the hill
or that improbable country
where living is an idyll
(although a probable hell)
would kill us all.

Only the curious have, if they live, a tale
worth telling at all.

Dogs say cats change too much, are irresponsible,
are changeable, marry too many wives,
desert their children, chill all dinner tables
with tales of their nine lives.
Well, they are lucky. Let them be
nine-lived and contradictory,
curious enough to change, prepared to pay
the cat price, which is to die
and die again and again,
each time with no less pain.
A cat minority of one
is all that can be counted on
to tell the truth. And what cats have to tell
on each return from hell
is this: that dying is what the living do,
that dying is what the loving do,
and that dead dogs are those who do not know
that dying is what, to live, each has to do.

--- Alastair Reid ---
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Sep. 15th, 2005 @ 11:10 am (no subject)
"Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?"

"Because you will never be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

"You mean I should listen, even if it's treasonous?"

"Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you'll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them. You will never able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow."

--- Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist ---
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Sep. 9th, 2005 @ 11:03 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: curious
Arrgghhh.... why are there suddenly so many mosquitoes around???

I am staying on 21st floor and never did I get any bites.

But now, 3 not-too-pretty red marks stay there on my legs.

Ggrrr....
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Sep. 6th, 2005 @ 10:35 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: sleepy
Taking Responsibility of Your Feelings...

Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking aboutthe slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.

So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS.

Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.

For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognise the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that.

After working on his multi-volume set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.

Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had been destroyed.

Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go, my friend! Do not feel bad."

As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?

Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well. After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.

The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened.

Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up. Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd.

That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

Part of the difficulty comes from a common is understanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehaviour. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

Action:
- Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness.
- Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it? Do I sleep better? Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.

Actually decide to let it go.
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Aug. 12th, 2005 @ 08:24 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: good
How to Win Friends and Influence People

This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two: Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three: Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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Aug. 7th, 2005 @ 09:40 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: content
Why The Elephants Don't Run

A number of years ago, I had the rather unique experience of being backstage in Madison Square Garden, in New York, during the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus. To say the least, it was a fascinating experience. I was able to walk around looking at the lions, tigers, giraffes and all the other circus animals. As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They think the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."

I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they could not, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? How many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve us? Have you avoided trying something new because of a limiting belief? Worse, how many of us are being held back by someone else's limiting beliefs? Do you tell yourself you can't sell because your not a salesperson?

Particularly in starting or running a business, we are cautioned not to take risks, usually by well intentioned friends and family. How many of us have heard, "You can't do that?" These are the dream stealers who, due to their own limiting beliefs, will attempt to discourage you from living your dreams. You must ignore them at all cost! I am not suggesting that you should not seek advice from qualified individuals and mentors, but that you avoid like the plague, being swayed by the limiting beliefs of others, especially people who are not in their own business.

Challenge your own limiting beliefs by questioning them. If you begin to question a belief, you automatically weaken it. The more you question your limiting beliefs, the more they are weakened. It's like kicking the legs out from under a stool. Once you weaken one leg, the stool begins to lose its balance and fall. Think back to a time when you "sold" someone on yourself. We are selling all the time. You have to sell your ideas to your spouse, your children, and your employees - even your banker. Maybe, as a child, you sold Girl Scout cookies or magazine subscriptions to raise money for your school team. That was selling too! Once you realize you are, in fact, a capable salesperson, you have weakened that old belief and began to replace it with a new, empowering one. Look for references to support the new beliefs you want to cultivate. As in the example of the stool, you want to reinforce your beliefs by adding more and more "legs" to them. Find people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish, discover what they did and model their behavior. Remember back to times in your past when you were successful and use that experience to propel yourself forward. If your challenge is in sales, read sales books and listen to tapes or attend sales seminars. This is a critical area of your business. One that cannot be undermined by limiting beliefs."

Particularly in starting or running a business, we are cautioned not to take risks, usually by well intentioned friends and family. How many of us have heard, "You can't do that?" These are the dream stealers who, due to their own limiting beliefs, will attempt to discourage you from living your dreams. You must ignore them at all cost! I am not suggesting that you should not seek advice from qualified individuals and mentors, but that you avoid like the plague, being swayed by the limiting beliefs of others, especially people who are not in their own business.

Challenge your own limiting beliefs by questioning them. If you begin to question a belief, you automatically weaken it. The more you question your limiting beliefs, the more they are weakened. It's like kicking the legs out from under a stool. Once you weaken one leg, the stool begins to lose its balance and fall. Think back to a time when you "sold" someone on yourself. We are selling all the time. You have to sell your ideas to your spouse, your children, and your employees - even your banker. Maybe, as a child, you sold Girl Scout cookies or magazine subscriptions to raise money for your school team. That was selling too!

Once you realize you are, in fact, a capable salesperson, you have weakened that old belief and began to replace it with a new, empowering one. Look for references to support the new beliefs you want to cultivate. As in the example of the stool, you want to reinforce your beliefs by adding more and more "legs" to them. Find people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish, discover what they did and model their behavior. Remember back to times in your past when you were successful and use that experience to propel yourself forward. If your challenge is in sales, read sales books and listen to tapes or attend sales seminars. This is a critical area of your business. One that cannot be undermined by limiting beliefs.

There is a technique called "fake it until you make it" that works well. I am not suggesting you live in denial, just that you begin to see yourself succeeding. Visualize your successes. See yourself vividly in your minds eye making the sale and reaching your goals. Affirm, over and over, that you are succeeding. Write your affirmations daily. Of course, make sure you take the appropriate action. As it says in the Bible, "Faith without works is dead." Remember that your subconscious mind does not know the difference between real and imaginary. Before you go on a sales call, take a moment and mentally rehearse the scene, just like actors and athletes do. Tell yourself, "I'm a great salesperson." Do this over and over, especially just before a sales call. See the sale being made. See and feel the success. You will be pleasantly amazed at the result. Don't take my word for it. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It has been said throughout history that what ever you believe, with conviction, you can achieve. Don't be like the poor elephant and go through your life stuck because of a limiting belief you were given or developed years ago. Take charge of your life and live it to the fullest. You deserve the best!

Jim Donovan
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